Amore.

[NOTE: THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY INTENDED FOR WAY BACK IN THE BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY... I PICKED OUT THIS THEME, BECAUSE, WELL, YOU KNOW: FEBRUARY, LOVE... IT JUST MADE SENSE! HOWEVER, MY BUSY, CRAZY LIFE GOT IN THE WAY, SO WRITING AND PUBLISHING THIS POST IS COMING MUCH LATER THAN INTENDED... BUT, HERE IT IS AT LAST.]


So you know what's a super colossally difficult and altogether extraordinary concept to grasp?

LOVE.  

And I don't necessarily mean the goo-goo, romantic, fairytale love that immediately jumps to all of our minds, even though that's a huge part of it... I just mean love. In general. 

The dictionary defines love as a million different things. It can be a noun, or it can be a verb; it can be a person, a feeling, an action, an object, a concept, a quality... it can arise from kinship or necessity or lust or desire or admiration. You can love things, you can be in love with someone, you can love to do something; you can LOOK for love or FIND it or GIVE it or RECEIVE it or FEEL it. (Believe it or not, "Love" by Matt White just started playing on my Pandora station! Haha)

Love can make people do marvelous things. People move across huge distances for love; we cry because of it and laugh because of it; it makes us feel exuberant and despondent and hopeful and hopeless and complete and empty and content and fulfilled, all within the course of its journey up and down and in and out of our lives. The scope of love is so powerful, and there is so much in the world that demonstrate how big of a role it plays in our existence. Look at all of the stories, all of the history -- Romeo killed himself because he thought he had lost Juliet. Paris started a war for Helen. Elizabeth and Darcy laid down their lifelong prides for each other. Olga of Kiev ruled an empire for her son; Mulan went to war so that her father wouldn't have to (give me a little on this one). Elizabeth Gilbert traveled the world to discover love for herself, and, perhaps the most famous love story of all... God loved the world so much that He gave his only Son to DIE.... for US. It's remarkable, really. 

John 13:34 says "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love another" (NIV).  Of all the things Jesus talked about, He placed so much emphasis on this-- that we love each other. It seems so simple, and yet it's so complex. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 details everything that loving someone encompasses, and it's really quite a tremendous thing, to love someone: 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

It's such a beautiful thing, to love someone... and just as beautiful, if not more so, to be loved by someone else. Whatever season of life you're in, and whether that 'someone' is your mother, father, brother, sister, roommate, best friend, great aunt, dog, cat, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, son, daughter... it's just so profound.  To care for someone (or be cared for) so deeply that all of your faults, flaws, and weaknesses are accepted... overlooked... even cherished, because they make you who you are... that is something splendid. That we have the capacity to embrace someone in our hearts (because an embrace requires so much more than just open arms), and to see and understand all of the qualities that make them who they are... that is a miracle. 

Love is a miracle.

In whatever form that we are blessed enough to find love as we walk our journeys through life, we are finding a miracle. How lucky are we?

November Musings (and other fluff)

With the end of fall coming and going, Thanksgiving coming up good and fast, and the promise of another one of the chilly winters that are my absolute favorite, I find thankfulness a lot on my mind lately. Being grateful is possibly one of the easiest and one of the hardest things to do- it's so easy to overlook all of the wonderful blessings that God places in your life, but when you do sit back and reflect in the quiet for a bit, it's even easier to soak in all of the astoundingly great things you can find there :).

Of all the many things in my life that I have to be immensely thankful for, I think the thing that stands out the most (at least in this season of my life) are all of the people that I'm surrounded by right now. They lift me up, help me up when I fall, fill otherwise boring Friday and Saturday nights with fun and memories, teach me things that I don't have the wisdom to see yet myself, and keep me laughing even when I think organic chemistry has sucked all the life out of me that it possibly can. Here's a peek.

My bestie... she's like a part of me. She's the other half of my best/friends necklace - she taught me the meaning of the word friendship. We're tied together inexorably and inexplicably, something I will never understand and will always be thankful for :). We're almost exact opposites in every way, and we fit together like puzzle pieces. My puzzle wouldn't be complete without her! Seven years of friendship and counting... what an adventure :)

She's the big sister that I always asked for when I was little. She makes sure I get to work on time, tsk's me when I skip class, and shares her coffee and her closet with me. She's got the big comfie bed that's perfect for late-night giggling and storytelling and the shoulder that's always there to lean on, and she's a better best friend than I could have defined for myself to find here in this zoo of a place called college :).

Mommy and best friend

Grandparents/Parents/Amazing People

Big brother... big sister... and Jonny. :)

An amazing friend and mentor who's helped me realize more about myself than I ever thought I'd uncover alone... she's like my in-college mommy :)

Best. Roomies. Ever. 

 

My Family :)

There are so many more pictures that I could include in this entry, but to list every blessing in my life would mean that this blog would NEVER end. God is so so good :)

His yoke is easy, and His burden is light

This past weekend, I had the immense privilege of going up to Prescott on fall retreat with about 30 of my fellow Wildcat Chi-Alphans, as well as our extended XA family from ASU and NAU! There are so many details of the weekend that I wish I could share, but as that would probably take forever I must satisfy my desire to share the joy by saying simply that it was a weekend I will never forget. God really moved up on that mountain in our camp and in our hearts, challenging us and speaking to us, and I heard things and learned things in such profound ways that I'm still rather in shock at the whole experience. It felt surreal and palpable all at the same time, the truths that we faced together as undeniable as they come.

Even as I sit here writing this I'm in awe of how much God spoke into my life in such a short time- less than two full days, and my world was rocked. We  prayed intensely, worshiped with abandon,and laughed with fervor all weekend, and I am just so humbled by the fact that it was all to bring glory to the One that we serve. I was expecting to go to retreat and be seriously challenged, but I absolutely was not expecting those challenges to be so intense or even so specific. Scott and Crystal Martin, the speakers, are such anointed people and they spoke so powerfully. On Friday night at our bonfire, Scott asked us this question: "Are you committed to God 100%?" I meditated on that all weekend, because that's an intense question. It's a difficult thing to say yes, I am willing to lay down all of my desires and all of my passions and all of my me-ness to serve God and His will 100%. That's tough- really tough. And then God called me into a situation that challenged me to the same question. God gave me a task, put a specific calling on my life at this point in time- and I had to answer. The beautiful thing is that I have the choice to say yes or no, the choice to be obedient or to do what I want. To be obedient, to answer this commission in my life, is honestly and sincerely something I don't want to do. It's hard, and it's a little scary, and I would like nothing more for myself than to just walk away.

But I've realized that that's not what it's about. This life, my life here on Earth, is not about me. It's not about how I feel or how much I think I'm learning. It's about bringing glory to God- it's about serving Him, because just like Jesus Himself said, 'I did not come here to be served, but to serve." I've learned that there is no greater honor in this life than to serve the Lord, because even as we have to lay down our own worldly (and human) desires to do so, God replaces those things with a reward far greater than any pleasure we could find for ourselves. So even though it took a lot of prayer- and I do mean a lot, when God asked me, "Daughter, are you committed enough to Me to lay down the keys to your own happiness here at My feet, do what I'm asking of you, and serve MY kingdom?," I REJOICE that the answer that filled my heart was yes.

More to come.

UA Chi Alpha at Fall Retreat 2010

Stumble

I don't think it's any secret that I am a huge fan of StumbleUpon... I've got links that I've found on Stumble all over my twitter and Facebook- I just find so many cool things :)

Anyways, I found a new one tonight and I couldn't help but be amazed by it. You'll have to look and see for yourself, but I just wanted to share it here, because I just can't see things like the photos on this website and not just be completely overwhelmed by how real and how beautiful God is :). Enjoy!

'Every day, You save my life'

Life has been so calm lately. Granted, my definition of calm is probably much different than the conventional, sunshine-and-daisies type of calm, but calm it is nonetheless. :) I'm always busy- working and studying are the conquerors of my schedule, and my to-do list resembles that joke about the Chinese reproduction rate (if all of the citizens of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction). Things get stressful and sometimes life gets extremely frustrating and DIFFICULT, but I'm learning to leave my sense of hopelessness in the dust and move through the things that come up in my life with more balance. I've always had a problem with feeling like I need to control everything (which is obviously quite unrealistic and rather unattractive), but it's so much easier to let that feeling go and do what I can, as best as I can.

I think that's always been one of the biggest things that I've been missing from my life: balance. I've always fought too fiercely, shouted too loudly, loved too deeply and run myself in so many circles that I couldn't remember where I started off in the first place. I think there's many reasons for that and many influences that got me there, but the extreme has always been my specialty. I'm glad to be able to sit here in reflection and think about that though, because it's astounding how much of a journey I've made from being that lopsided, boisterous person. Not that I don't still have so many things to work through and learn and grow as a person in, but it's nice to feel this calm.

I read the latest post in this blog a few days ago (the entry is titled 'My Hope is Found') and it really struck a chord in me. You can read for yourself and take away from it what you will, but here I will say this: It is so profound to be constantly reminded of how beautiful life is- you can see it every day, everywhere you look. Sometimes you might have to squint a little, but the beauty is always there. And just as Adam says in his blog, there is no greater feeling than to go through life doing the best you can to be as faithful as you can, so that as the end, when we stand in that brilliant light in awe of the most awesome, we'll hear the words "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The Seven-Day Summer Speculation: Day Seven

I can't believe this is my last entry on this project! It was super fun to do though, and I'll always have those countless, priceless memories to hold in my heart and remember whenever I'm missing home :).


This final entry is going to be of a slightly different format, and I'll explain this at the end.

     One of my absolute favorite things that we did this summer was go camping. When I was little, we used to have the MOST epic camping trips ever- we'd pack up cars and cars and cars full of things that would last us three or four days, and the entire family would head down to our favorite spot in Ma'alaea (where, sadly, camping is not allowed anymore). We'd set up maybe five or six huge tents, and we would just camp out there together, on the beach. I remember waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, then throwing on my bathing suit and joining my cousins out in the ocean ALL DAY. We'd stay out in the water nonstop except for lunchtime, and we wouldn't come out until the sun was going down and the parents and aunties and uncles threatened us with cold showers (which we always had to take, since we refused to leave the water!). It was so much fun, and those camping trips are such special memories to me.
     We haven't been camping like that in quite a few years now, though, much to my disappointment every year. But this summer, although our camping expeditions were a bit more adult, we still had a blast. Uncle Bill and Aunty Ada loaded up their truck with essentials to last us overnight, the fishermen (my Granpy and later my Granny, Uncle Richard, Uncle Willy, Aunty Lucy...) all loaded up their gear, and we piled into the truck and in Uncle Richard's truck and headed behind the mountain (Haleakala), found a spot and had an amazing night :). There were usually so many people that went with us that there wasn't enough room to sit in the cars, so that along with the fact that Aunty Ada and I both get mean carsickness provided for very special accommodations for us: camping chairs in the bed of the truck! It was quite fabulous, actually!

  So we'd drive behind the mountain (usually to our favorite spot, Kipahulu Landing), and the drive there was always stunningly beautiful.

So once we got to the landing, we'd unload the truck and set up "camp," which included a fabulous little girl cave that Uncle Bill invented so that us ladies (the non-fishers, of course) would be comfortable, safe from the bugs, and sheltered from wind and rain :) It was amazing, and quite cozy in there! On our last camping trip, we comfortably fit me, my sister, Aunty Ada, and my Granny in there. It was lovely and warm and comfie!

We always had something amazing for dinner, too. The first trip we made, Uncle Bill made the MOST delicious beef stew I've ever had in my life. Bible. Aunty Ada made hekka one night, we had stew again another night because it was just THAT good... I guess maybe anything will taste amazing if you're surrounded by family and the ocean :). On our second-to-last trip, it was Aunty Ada's birthday, and (ironically) she made the most delicious cake ever- Key Lime Cake! It was so good!

I can't even describe how much fun I had on all of our camping trips. Here's some pictures of the fishermen! (and women!)

Then, on one of our trips at Kipahulu Landing, there were these horses just roaming all around!! I got so excited, so I went up to them to see how close they would let me get to them before they ran away- but NO! They came right up to me, not shy at all! They let me pet them and ate grass out of my hand- it was amazing!! That MADE that whole trip for me, which was otherwise filled with a lot of wind and a lot of rain. Can you tell how excited I was? haha

Then, on our last camping trip, we went to a different spot, but my cousins came! That was super excellent, because I didn't really get to hang out with them at all this summer (except for my fab Eclipse fashionista party with Keike). It was almost electric to have so much family around, just sitting around talking story and enjoying each other. It seems that that's always when I have the most memorable time, and I can't even begin to explain why or how amazing it feels :).

 

It's just something about the way I was raised that it happens this way- I spend all of my summers home in Hawaii, but none of my favorite memories include times when I'm sitting alone by myself on the beach reading a book (although I do have some very amazing chats with God in those times), or when I'm leisurely sitting at home relaxing and watching TV. What makes my summer- what really leaves those impressions in my heart- are those simple family get-togethers that get thrown together the morning of, with all of the amazing food and the amazing people and the amazingly simple way that we just be together. It's the gift of just having each other, sharing our love and laughter and tears and joy and sadness and stories and silence. It's the reason that the word "kamakananui" or "The Greatest Gift" is a daily reminder to me of the immense treasury that God has blessed me with, and it's the reason that I truly believe that I'm the luckiest girl in the world. 

So, summing up my entire summer can be done in reflection of everything I just said.

My favorite memory? The one I spent with my family. Translation: All of them.

A lesson I've learned? Yes, indeed, all of the lessons I've written about in the first six speculations. But most simply? Love conquers all. 

A wonderful relative? Look at all the pictures I've included in this seven day project. There they are.

A realization? I live a very stressful life. I'm growing up. Life goes by too fast. I'm impatient.

GOD HAS IMMENSELY, FULLY, FAITHFULLY BLESSED MY LIFE. 

 Then you will see and be radiant- your heart will tremble and grow large, because the abundance of the sea will be turned to you 

Isaiah 60:5

The Seven-Day Summer Speculation: Day Six

1. A Favorite Memory
     One of the most fun things I did this summer was spend time with my cousin Jennifer, and help her with her four kids, Janessa, Jayden, Julianna, and Jiyanni. Jennifer and I, although we're about 10 years apart in age, get along really well, so it's always fun to just hang out, but I love her kids to pieces, so helping her watch them was an absolute joy for me :).
     There was one day towards the end of the summer when all of the adults had gone fishing, so Jenny took on the task of having all of the younger kids (my sister includes herself in this group) over at Aunty Jane's house, where she stays during the summer, over to play and hang out all day. I went over too, to help Aunty Jane on the bus (she drives a school bus for disabled children), but I ended up staying all day with Jenn and the kids. Jenn had her friend's two daughters over too, so all in all there were 8 kids of all ages- Jiyanni, 18 months, Julianna, 3, Malina, 6, Mia, 8, Jayden, 8, Taieena, 8, Janessa, 10, and Kami, 15. It was so crazy, having them all running around, screaming and playing and teasing each other and having fun. Jenn, of course, had it all under control- she's like SuperMom! But anyways, we had the kids do scavenger hunts and play word games and crack macadamia nuts and swing on the trees- it was so fun to just hang out with Jennifer and just watch all of those little cousins having so much fun together. It brought back so many wonderful memories of me and my cousins being that age and having the same fun, laughing and crying and playing and just enjoying being kids. It was equally wonderful to talk to Jenn, who has so much wisdom and perspective for being so young (hey, she has four kids!), about growing up and falling in love and going off into the world and finding yourself. It was like three seasons of my life were rolling on tape right in front of my eyes, magically: The good old kid days that we spend rolling down hills with our cousins and staying up late on air mattresses in the living room; the now days, that we spend with our friends as we learn the hard lessons and start trying to figure out how to be ourselves in the great big world; and the future days that we spend with our families, with babies on our hips and toddlers falling down and scraping their knees and husbands and homes and the ability to look back on our kid days and our now days and understand that we're passing that on to the next generation.
    All of that, simply from a good, long day of babysitting my nieces and nephews and being called Aunty and talking story with my cousin. I love summer.

Julianna- rockin' stunna shades

Jayden

Janessa

Jiyanni! What a ham

2. A Lesson I've Learned
     I'm still slowly learning this, but this just got put into perspective for me: Getting older doesn't mean that you stop asking for help when you fall down, it just means that along with asking for help comes with realizing, accepting, and dealing with the fact that you've made a mistake. And also that, even though you always can ask for help, there is no excuse for making mistakes repeatedly. No one can do everything by themselves- there's no superpower that keeps you from messing up, because everyone does. But it's important (and extremely comforting, might I add) to always know that your family is there for you when you do mess up, no matter how old you get. Messing up just comes with a little more responsibility.  :)

3. A Wonderful Relative
     I talked about her already in my memory, but I feel like I should pay her special tribute here. My cousin Jennifer is, quite simply, amazing. I look up to her and admire her so much. She knows the value and the paramount importance of family- just look at her and her own beautiful family and you can see it. She didn't go to college, and she doesn't get paid money for her job, but her career is bigger than any executive VIP sitting behind a desk in some big, corporate building: She has a loving husband and four beautiful children, and the life she's made with them is, to my eyes, more rewarding than any paycheck. The thing I admire most about that, though, is that she does everything she does the way our Grandma Julia taught us. We were taught to love each other and to help each other no matter what; to always be there for each other and to always be together. That's the way Jenn has brought up her little Alderete family, and every day she teaches her kids that as well. She's incredibly giving (not to mention a blast to hang out with and a whiz at the girl talk) and she puts family first, and that love and devotion is something I aspire to, someday in the far future when I have a little family of my own.

4. A Realization
     My mom and I are extraordinarily different people, in many different ways.We have very different ways of viewing things; we have different opinions and different attitudes and different habits and different interests. But in spite of that, I've realized that we are really very much the same. We love and we laugh and we give and we celebrate, and sometimes we cry and get angry and irrational and swear a little too much, a little too loudly. We hold grudges and then get over them; we don't take bullshit and agree that lying is unacceptable. She's taught me so much about how to be a good person and how not to be a bad person, and I have so much to thank her for that if I tried I'd be going on and on for an eternity. I'm so glad that my mom is who she is- a wonderful mommy and an extraordinary friend.