Even as I sit here writing this I'm in awe of how much God spoke into my life in such a short time- less than two full days, and my world was rocked. We prayed intensely, worshiped with abandon,and laughed with fervor all weekend, and I am just so humbled by the fact that it was all to bring glory to the One that we serve. I was expecting to go to retreat and be seriously challenged, but I absolutely was not expecting those challenges to be so intense or even so specific. Scott and Crystal Martin, the speakers, are such anointed people and they spoke so powerfully. On Friday night at our bonfire, Scott asked us this question: "Are you committed to God 100%?" I meditated on that all weekend, because that's an intense question. It's a difficult thing to say yes, I am willing to lay down all of my desires and all of my passions and all of my me-ness to serve God and His will 100%. That's tough- really tough. And then God called me into a situation that challenged me to the same question. God gave me a task, put a specific calling on my life at this point in time- and I had to answer. The beautiful thing is that I have the choice to say yes or no, the choice to be obedient or to do what I want. To be obedient, to answer this commission in my life, is honestly and sincerely something I don't want to do. It's hard, and it's a little scary, and I would like nothing more for myself than to just walk away.
But I've realized that that's not what it's about. This life, my life here on Earth, is not about me. It's not about how I feel or how much I think I'm learning. It's about bringing glory to God- it's about serving Him, because just like Jesus Himself said, 'I did not come here to be served, but to serve." I've learned that there is no greater honor in this life than to serve the Lord, because even as we have to lay down our own worldly (and human) desires to do so, God replaces those things with a reward far greater than any pleasure we could find for ourselves. So even though it took a lot of prayer- and I do mean a lot, when God asked me, "Daughter, are you committed enough to Me to lay down the keys to your own happiness here at My feet, do what I'm asking of you, and serve MY kingdom?," I REJOICE that the answer that filled my heart was yes.
More to come.
|UA Chi Alpha at Fall Retreat 2010|