Today, April 16, would have marked 20 months of my relationship.
I don't say that forlornly - it is sad, yes, but my tone as I write this is really one of amazement. Amazement at how, even when you think you are certain of how things will end up, they often turn out more differently than you ever could have imagined.
I never would have guessed that I would ever be in this place. I never fathomed that my relationship would end, that the most important person in my life would become just someone that I used to know (excuse the cheesy song reference). Someone who just nods when we see each other in passing... someone that I no longer share even my plans for the day with, let alone my hopes and dreams.
It truly is astounding how radically things can change. How quickly things change.
And it's also incredible how God fills up those sad, empty spaces with beautiful things.
It's almost paradoxical, really - although my romantic relationship ended so abruptly and disastrously, all of my other relationships have flourished. Profoundly. I feel closer to my family (even though we still talk to each other the same amount as before), and my friends have come alongside me so strongly and sweetly and I feel so, so blessed. God is allowing me to pour into the same quantity of relationships that I had before, but I think now He's really driving home the point of quality. Two friendships in particular (one, my best friend, and the other, an old roommate) have blessed me so much, and I am so grateful for these women that God has drawn up in my life to walk through all of this craziness with. While I didn't neglect these relationships before, God is bringing them to a focal point in my life, and it is incredible to feel so content in this place, with these people.
Although I feel that I have lost so much, I don't feel - by any means! - that my life is any less full. And that is truly such a gift from the Lord.
...I came that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. - John 10:10