Moving On

Such ruin. Such devastation. Such desolation. Such disaster. Such grief. Such ugliness and awfulness.

I never used to understand in all of the chick flicks, why the main character completely falls apart after she is broken up with. I never understood why it took her so long to be happy again, why she couldn't just brace herself into the pain and just move on.

But then I fell in love. I went all in with someone. And I was let down. It wasn't my happy ending.

I understand now. I understand why all of those movies show the same scenario over and over again, why Bella just sat in the chair for months on end after Edward left, feeling like her life was over. (Mind - I don't excuse it; I just understand.)

The pain is real. The abandonment is real. 

The emptiness, the ache, the sharpness, the complete and utter disappointment - it's all real. 

But somehow, I don't feel like my life is over. Oddly, I feel like an entirely new door is opening- into what? Who's to say. 

More than ever before, in this moment, I know that God is real. Because this doesn't make sense - it doesn't make sense for me to feel peace and love and calmness when everything has come crashing down around me. It doesn't make sense to feel hope for a future that I have absolutely no insight into. It doesn't make sense to feel reassured that something better is coming, when I thought this was the best it could get. 

But something better is coming. Healing is coming, joy is coming, happiness and fullness and love is coming.

I can just feel it. 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:7