Saturday, June 15, 2013

Looking Good

Lately, my life has been an absolute whirlwind.
In two senses, really - 1. I've been so extraordinarily busy, and 2. so many things have happened!
Let me explain.

This summer, I am (yet again) enrolled in summer school, this time finishing off my math credits so that I can actually get this degree that I've been working so hard for! I need two semesters of calculus, so my goal is to finish them both in summer session so that in the fall semester, I can take it a little bit easy. I want to finish up my undergrad without having too much stress to deal with - all of my classes in the fall will be the prerequisite courses that I need for nursing school, so I'm anticipating that they won't be as difficult as the majority of the classes that I took for my major.

But right now: two five-week calculus courses, back to back? Where one day of class is basically equivalent to an entire week of material in a normal, semester-long class? In the subject that I am the least proficient in?

I'm brilliant, I tell you.

So between school and my job and volunteering at the hospital, I am a busy, busy girl.

But I'm also a happy girl. 

Lately, I have felt more thankful, beautiful, joyful, and blessed than I have in... maybe ever. Which is so strange for me to think about, considering everything that I've gone through this year. 

After my breakup, and throughout all of the pretty ugly things that happened following it, I was expecting the really hard, horrible part/season/period of the moving-on process to last for a long time. I was expecting to be sad for a long time, to feel the sting of the heartbreak for a good long while.
But, surprisingly, it is not quite four months later and I am feeling great.

I feel blessed. So, so blessed. It is still hard sometimes, to be sure - these things take time. They call it a process for a reason.
But at the same time, I am overwhelmed with the truth that my life is full and beautiful and victorious, and I am just in awe of it all.
In awe of how quickly the Lord has redeemed my heart.
In awe of how much goodness has replaced the ugliness and heartache that I felt was going to last forever.
Of how much affirmation I have received from so many people, about my character and my faithfulness and my future.

God has used friends and mentors and even people that I never would have expected to speak into my life to show me that I'm doing a good job, that I'm being faithful and obedient, that beautiful, exciting things are in store for me!

And I believe that with all of my heart - I wrote recently that I didn't know what to expect from even the next month of my life anymore. And that's still true, to a slight degree - I'm continually finding myself surprised at what God is doing, but in such wonderful ways! And while I could never know what exactly is next for me, I know without a doubt that it's going to be SO GOOD. Better than I ever thought "good" could get. And, in fact, I'm finding that it is that way - right now. 

And doesn't God tell us that anyways? That He always has our best interests at heart? And even though I didn't have the perspective to see it then (and I'm still not quite sure I understand now!), I made the choice to submit to the Lord's will for me, and He has shown me that He is always faithful to His promises! He has answered all of my prayers, even some that I didn't know I needed answers to. It hasn't looked the way I thought it would, but God is doing so many exciting things in my life and I am so encouraged and hopeful for what is to come.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28 NIV

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