Change

A lot of things are hard.

Being single again is hard. Read: being single is not as hard (for me, at least - I wouldn't assume that my struggles are the same as someone else's!). I loved being single - it was a really fun season and I have so many great memories from that time! Being single again is hard. It’s hard to redefine your former “we” as now just “me”; it’s hard to fill your “we” time with “me” time or with “them” time and not feel like something is missing. It’s also hard to remember that that gets better with time, and hard to imagine that there is something better than what you had.

Breaking old habits is hard. Breaking old habits that you loved is harder.

Missing someone is hard. Missing someone and knowing that they’re probably not missing you is harder. 

Change is hard. Moving on is hard. Dying to yourself, dying to your desires, giving up the things that you are passionate about and dreamed about and hoped for… so hard. 

Following Jesus when things are going great is easy. It’s easy to trust in God when everything is going smoothly, grandly, just how you want it to! But we are human, and we naturally resist change. So much of that comes out of fear, and so much of it comes out of our selfish natures - we want what we want, when we want it and how. It’s just how we are. And that makes this so, so hard. In my head, I know that God has a plan and a purpose- and a more beautiful one than my own plan for myself, at that! But in my heart, it is hard to lose and to let go and to move on from something so big. 

But I am thankful that I don’t have to do these things on my own. It’s not my strength that enables me, but a strength that is much, much greater. I am thankful that I don't have to be stuck in this place, that as hard as it is, I am constantly moving forward. There is grace for me in these struggles, and new mercies come every morning and I reflect on new victories every evening. And it’s all because of the miracle that my God, who knows my every fault, flaw, and failure, loves me, and my heart finds rest and strength in Him to take each new step on this hard, hard journey.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:12-13