I am in awe of this journey. God has done so much in me and has brought me so far in just six weeks - six of the longest, hardest, and fastest-moving weeks of my life. I’m learning what it means to put my trust fully in Him, to let Him alone be the source of my hope. Not a single step of this has been easy, but it’s astounding, really, to look back over the amount of time that has passed since my breakup and to really, truly see how God has been moving in my life and in who I am.
The biggest thing that I see when I reflect on this time of singleness and loneliness and sadness is that God has been so faithful to me. Deuteronomy 31:6 says “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” And this has been such a truth in my life! At the very beginning of this situation, there were times when I felt such despair over being left alone, over losing the person that I love the very most. And even in those times - and oh, how dark they were! - the Lord was with me at every moment, holding me and comforting me and covering me with His grace.
Another thing I’ve learned is that no matter where you’re at in your life or in your faith, being broken up with leaves a lot of empty spaces in your heart and in your life. And God has been sweetly, gently, gradually filling up those spaces with so much to be thankful for - the friends that I have blogged about that have come alongside me on this really rough road, the family that has always supported me through every mountain and valley of my life, and even an okay-ness (?) with being just by myself. Never in my life have I enjoyed being alone, but God is really drawing me into an appreciation of the truth that even when there are no people around me, I am never truly alone (and how grateful I am for that!!).
Today was Easter Sunday, and God chose such a perfect time to remind me that He meets our needs exceedingly. A weekend that I thought was going to be full of solitude and memories that would remind me of all the things that are missing from my life, God turned into a precious two days of joy and peace and fellowship and I am so, so thankful. All weekend, I was surrounded by people who encouraged me and welcomed me, and being in the company of so many whom I dearly love just reminded me that even in the midst of so much loss and change, I am so incredibly blessed. Easter is a day that reminds us of Jesus’ miraculous, saving resurrection and revival, and God indeed reminded me today that in order for Him to raise something from the dead, it has to die first! I truly feel like so much in my heart and in my life is dead, and I am so hopeful in the knowledge that God brings beauty out of ashes. So many things in my life are sitting in big, yucky piles of ash, and I’m so glad that I serve a God who promises to restore those things. I am so hopeful to see how that will happen, what it will look like, and when, but after such an encouraging weekend I feel such a renewed strength to continue forward and to keep waiting on the Lord.