Start Somewhere

So let's talk about how Ryanhood is coming out with a new album. It's basically the best news ever. 

You should click this link, An Open Letter To Friends of Ryanhood, to pre-order the new album, Start Somewhere. And then, if you live in Tucson, you should go to their show at the Rialto on November 2 where it will be released (which I happen to be selling tickets for - leave a comment if you want one!). 

It's not just good music. It's their heart, and it's good for the soul.

Not a sponsored post, ya'll. I just really love these guys.

When the Weather Changes

As I walk around campus today, there is a crisp breeze weaving itself between the buildings and through the union, rippling the leaves on the trees and whistling as it wraps around students heading to their classes. There is a chill on my skin, and all day I've been wishing that I had worn something just a little thicker than this tank top. 

Fall is coming. 

I can say with absolute certainty that there will be an indian summer and, for a few more days (let's be honest - it'll probably be weeks), I'll be back to shorts and despising having to walk around outside. 

But there's something in the air. Girls have already broken out scarves and boots, and all around I see people drinking their hot Starbucks drinks and relishing the warmth of the cups in their hands as this lovely breeze curls around them. 

It's an expectancy. 

For months and months, we've been sweating and swearing and trying to fend off heat stroke and cringing when the electricity bill arrives but resigning ourselves to it because you either pay it or pass out from the heat - come on guys, it's Tucson. 

But now, it's October. As the ripples of the wind dance through the air, it's almost like I can hear a soft whisper saying "I've been waiting for you."

Because all summer, I've been moving. I've been pushing forward and pressing on and trying to get through. Trying to get through the hurt and the healing and the learning and the growing - man, has it been a hard year. 

I've always associated the summertime with falling in love - even when I was in middle school, I would read Sarah Dessen novels about sixteen year olds and their summer adventures of finding love and to me, that's always what the summer meant. And then I really did fall in love in the summertime, and I spent the next two years falling in love over and over again, giving my heart away to a person and to dreams and to passions and to desires. 

And then this year, I spent the summer trying to fall out of love. Which was painful and a lot of hard work and, for a lot of reasons, seemed totally wrong.
I've lived my entire life believing that you should fall in love as much as you can, with as many people and things and places and passions as you can. Believing that that was how you found joy and purpose and wholeness in life, that love is the only thing that matters. 

But what I'm learning now, now that summer is ending and autumn is starting to peek ever-so-shyly around the corner, is that I was wrong.

You give your heart away to the things you fall in love with - to the people, to the things, to the thoughts, to the dreams; they all take a little piece of you with them because really, you give yourself to them.

I've given my heart away to a lot of things. To a lot of people. And I've been broken by almost all of them. Some people have taken pieces of my heart and completely destroyed them.
But Jesus is gentle, and gracious, and like that song goes that everyone in the entire Christian culture knows - His love never fails.

So as pumpkin-spice-everything and brown knee-high boots are taking over my campus, I'm learning how to let Jesus take over my heart. How to be more in love with Jesus than anything - or ANYONE - else. How to make Jesus my only choice.

Sometimes it looks as simple as not saying anything when someone annoys me during the day - or not gossiping about it with my roommates when I come home. Sometimes it looks as complicated as choosing, that day, to forgive the person who hurt me more than anyone else ever has. Sometimes it's as short and sweet as praying for someone that it hurts me to think about.

It's complicated. And messy. And not easy to define.
 But it's walking out "being a Christian" - for real.


I don't know about you, but I'm so thankful that the seasons change.






"Whoever finds his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:39

The View From Here, and Forgiveness

As promised, I've got a post coming up about life as of late, but today I just wanted to share a little snippet of how I'm feeling right now.

This morning, I had to take my poor kitten to the vet because he's getting declawed, so I skipped my first class, meaning my morning was free from 6:30 when I woke up until 9:30 when I had to leave for my second class.

And the weather is absolutely beautiful today - when I got back from dropping Bingley off at the vet's office, it was 67 degrees. SIXTY SEVEN DEGREES!!! 

I can't even remember the last time I walked outside without feeling like I was going to die of heat stroke. There was no way I was letting that go without soaking as much of it up as I could (the high today is supposed to be 91, I think). 

So after a quick trip to my favorite coffee shop, the Raging Sage, and a couple of run-ins with some lovely friends, I took a chair out to our (rather pathetic) patio (but a patio nonetheless!) and had my quiet time. Completely randomly, I ended up reading in the Psalms and in Luke about forgiveness, a concept that I have been tenaciously wrestling to apply in my life lately. Fittingly, my devotion was about living in the fullest potential of this moment... and in all of the verses and the words and the teaching that I was reading, I just felt peace. And quiet. And the joy in just being still, sitting on my patio with a great view of the parking lot, listening to my roommates shuffle around in our wonderful little apartment getting ready for the day. 

And I felt so thankful. Thankful for my roommates, for our apartment, for the beautiful weather, for my friends and family and community and, oddly, for this season of my life. Thankful that I can tangibly see the way that God has been working in my life, refining my character, healing my heart. 

Thankful that when I read about the biblical and practical nature of forgiveness this morning, my thoughts weren't 

How am I ever going to be able to do that?

like they have been so much lately; instead, they were 

God, thank you so much for teaching me about the way that you forgave me and continue to forgive me every day, so that I can forgive because of you. 

Because what I have learned lately is that forgiveness is hard. When someone wrongs me, I don't want to give them a free pass, turn the other cheek, accept them with unrelenting grace - I want justice! I want them to admit they were wrong, to apologize, to make things right!

But that's not how it works. God's forgiveness for us - for our sins, for our un-Christian thoughts, for the swear word that slipped out - is always available. It's complete, it's whole, it's unconditional. We don't have to do anything to earn the forgiveness - it's there, offered freely, and all we have to do is accept it. If we met up with God for coffee one day, and said "God, I'm so sorry for what I did, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but -", he would probably just wave his hand casually through the air and say "You don't have to explain. You have nothing to apologize for. I love you, and I forgive you. It's done."

How ridiculous is that? I could probably list off 500 offenses that I make against God every single day. And he forgives me unconditionally, unhesitatingly, every single time.

And in knowing that, how could I not be forgiving too?

Not that it's easy. Quite the opposite - like I said, forgiveness is hard. It's in our human nature to want to feel vindicated. But Luke 17:4 says "Even if a person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive." When I first read that verse, I thought Oh, but it says you must forgive them if they ask for forgiveness. And I think it seems kind of unnatural to forgive someone if they don't ask forgiveness, if they don't even feel sorry for what they did or how they hurt you. But the Jesus model of forgiveness shows us that forgiveness is there, available to us if we ask for it or not. It's not an action, or a benevolent string of words you say to someone to make them feel better - forgiveness is a matter of the heart.

And sitting on my porch this morning, soaking up the beauty of a new day, I felt a new resolve in my heart to make it a reality in my life. To walk it out. For the first time, I felt confident that I could say with honesty I forgive you, if I was ever given the opportunity. I felt the victory of OVERCOMING. 

And that's my view from here. 

What does your view look like?

Tender mercies, new each morning

Finding life in You

The sun is rising, the Son has risen

Making all things new

You make all things, You make all things, You make all things new

Rush Week, and a Bit of Reflecting

This week, I walked through campus for the first time all summer. 

(Which is interesting, considering that I work on campus... I just stayed in my office building and around the periphery.) 

And oddly, it was a great feeling. 

Usually, at the start of a new semester I'm always annoyed with the hoards of students that come flooding in from summer break and crowd up the student union. I dread starting classes and the overwhelming busyness that has characterized almost every semester of my undergraduate career. I find myself wishing I could go back to the start of summer break.

But today, walking through campus felt exciting. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that this will be my last semester as an undergrad, or maybe it has to do with the fact that I have such a different perspective about everything these days.

But whatever the reason, I am excited.
I'm excited to be in a classroom learning about things I'm interested in again; I'm excited for Chi Alpha to start; I'm excited to be surrounded by people all day.
I'm excited to see what this semester is going to bring. Maybe an even better word is expectant.

I'm expectant for the adventure that this new semester is going to be, for the good things it will bring.

It's so crazy to think that this is really it - this is my last semester as an undergraduate. I remember getting here four years ago and feeling like college was going to last forever, and now here I am, at the brink of graduation wondering where all the time went.
I have truly loved my time here. I have learned and grown and experienced and become an adult; I've formed relationships that will truly last for the rest of my life.

And now, I find myself at yet another pivotal juncture of transition. This semester, I'm going to apply to nursing school. I'm going to quit my job. I'm going to either be accepted to nursing school or rejected, and I'm going to have to decide what my next job will be. This semester, I'm going to be constantly challenged to take leaps of faith, to trust in the Lord's plans and purposes for my life, to remember that even when things don't look the way I think they should, I'm exactly where I need to be.

I'm not going to lie - I'm a little bit apprehensive. A lot of things are changing, and have been changing. But I have heard so many people recently say that you should never worry about what you can't control. And it's so true - I have no idea what will happen once I submit my application to nursing school. I have no idea where my money is going to come from when I quit my job in December (for the record, my bosses are aware that this is happening).

But I do know that right now, I am stepping into my final semester of being a Physiology student at the University of Arizona. I have one more semester to pour into my campus ministry, Chi Alpha; one more semester filled with opportunities to be a light to my campus, in my classrooms and with my classmates.

And I want to embrace every. single. moment.

I have very few regrets, but one of them is central to every area of my life - to my past relationship with my ex-boyfriend, to the times that I got to spend with family outside of school, even to my time here at the UofA as a student. And it is that, so often, I didn't cherish every moment that I had in that place. And I regret that grievously.

So it seems that that's my new motto in life, really - if you look back at previous entries I've written, they are riddled with this challenge:

No matter where you're at, or how far away you seem to be from where you want to be, or how ordinary what you're doing might seem,

Cherish every moment. Savor your right now. COMMIT TO THIS PART OF YOUR JOURNEY.

I know I want to.




And all that, just from walking through a crowd of 5,000 sorority girls in the student union during Rush Week. My goodness. 

When Things Change

Today, I can't help but be reminded of a lot of things that are no longer part of my life. It's one of those days that used to be significant but isn't anymore, a day that used to mean something wonderful but now is just another day.

Which brings me to think about change - about the nature of change, how much it impacts us, and how much has changed in my own life in such a short amount of time. 

Change is so hard to deal with, especially when you have to experience a change that takes you from somewhere you want to be to somewhere you didn't plan on being at all. I know very few people, if any, who look forward to change or enjoy it. We get comfortable with the way things are, and we get attached to the way we like things to be, and I know I can say for myself that so often, I come to depend on the relationships I have.

So then, when something changes, it is so uncomfortable. To say the very least. Depending on where your identity lies, it can be earth-shattering.

In this current season of my life where everything has been changing - my relationships, my plans, my routines, my priorities, even the place I live and who I live with - I have been presented with a great challenge: how will I handle the change in my life?

Will I run from it? Will I let the disbelief that I ended up in a place so far from where I had thought I would be hold me still, stuck in a moment that I can't get out of? Will I be angry that things didn't go my way? Will I resist, taking the risk of missing out on beautiful new opportunities? Will I be resentful? Bitter, even?
I'd be lying if I said I haven't struggled with every single one of those.

OR -

Will I embrace the change? Will I square my shoulders, and resolve to make the most of the season that I'm in - regardless that I hadn't planned on being there in the first place? Will I see all of these new, different, unfamiliar things in my life as new adventures? Will I let go of my attachment to how things used to be, and forge headlong into the way things are, the way they will be? Will I trust that I serve a God who has beautiful plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future? Will I trust that He knows the desires of my heart better than I do, and that only beautiful things are in store for me if I do trust Him?

I'd like to be able to say that this is the attitude I've had consistently about all of the recent changes in my life, but that's so not the case. When your life gets turned upside down, I think your first instinct is just to survive. Honestly, this positive outlook on change is coming with time, with perspective, and with a lot of prayer. I am very much the kind of person who likes to make my plans and stick to them, the kind of person who likes to know what's happening and be in control. But I've realized that sometimes - oftentimes- you have to just accept that you (ironically) can't change everything that's changing, and so you have to just go with it.

And attitude is everything, I think, when it comes to handling situations that make you uncomfortable. Situations that challenge your normal, that take you out of your comfort zone.

But I hear that's where the magic happens - outside of your comfort zone. Outside of your box. You don't get to have adventures when you sit on the couch day after day - emotionally, or physically!

So that is my heart for this time of change, of transition - to figure out how to make the most of it. To embrace the new routines, the new relationships, the new way that everything feels. To be expectant of greater things ahead than anything I've left behind. To just keep swimming. And I'm finding that sometimes, change can be really, really good.

What changes are you navigating in life?



The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. - Psalm 18:2

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

A Little Peace In A Lot Of Craziness

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those who hope in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

Lamentations 3:21-25

I read this verse and a warm peace spreads through my heart.

Life has been so wonderfully hectic as of late, and I have been so thankful for the fullness that I have experienced every single day for the past few months. But when the roar of my busyness dies down to a gentle hum, I'm left with my thoughts and my emotions and not much else (unless I'm filling in the quiet with the awkward and unrefined strums of my guitar). And it's then that I'm faced with a choice: where do I fix my eyes? On what do I set my heart?

I'd be a dirty liar if I said I haven't wallowed in my emotions or become overwhelmed with my thoughts, and many times. But what I'm learning is that I have the choice "to get unstuck from my wilderness," as my pastor would say. 

I count a lot of things as losses, in this season that I am walking through. I do. This has most certainly been a desert season, a period of struggle and lessons and challenges. 

But I don't want to be like the Israelites after they left Egypt. Most people know that they wandered the desert for 40 years before they entered the Promised Land - BUT. Did you know? God called them into the Promised Land after just two. TWO YEARS!!! They spent an extra 38 years wandering through the wilderness because they were disobedient, because they took their eyes off of God and let themselves doubt. What the heck!!! (You can read about this in Deuteronomy 1). 

I don't want that. I don't want to be stuck in my desert season because I am not trusting in God's faithfulness and provision, because I am not obedient. 

So when I get lonely, or sad, or a little too emotional (because let's face it, this happens to me daily - with any kind of emotion, not just sadness), I just focus on these words. On this truth. That the Lord is enough, that he is so good, that he is always the same.

And oh, friends, there is so much freedom in that. 

Adventure

Adventure: an exciting or remarkable experience; an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks

 Last weekend at church, my pastor talked about adventure. About how life is a great adventure - one that takes time and presents us with immense challenges. One that, if we have perseverance, is more worth it than we could ever imagine.

And it made me realize how incredibly thematic adventure is in my own life - something I think I have always known, but hearing Pastor Dave's sermon really drove the idea home. I mean, I named this blog "Adventures of the Nalani Variety" - and that was almost five years ago, before I had any idea what an adventure my life would truly become!

Especially over the last few months, I have realized a lot about the kind of person that I am and the things that I am expectant of in my life.

I want to experience exciting, remarkable things!

I want to live a life of passion, of extraordinary.

Really, more than anything, my heart craves an adventure.

I don't want to become a person who just does my job during the week, goes to church on Sunday, and then repeats the cycle over and over again. I recognize that soon, I will have a job and a home a family and a routine - for most Americans, that is reality! And believe me, becoming a nurse and a wife and a mother are all things that I am hopefully expectant of, things that I will rejoice in!

But I want more than that. I want to see beauty and passion and excitement in everything I do, everywhere I go, in every relationship I have.

Someday, most certainly (who knows, maybe even TODAY!), I want to do the thrilling things that come to mind when you hear the word "adventure" - I want to travel to exotic destinations, skydive, zipline in Pi'iholo, Maui, swim with dolphins, hike mountains, explore. But, more than any of that, I want my life to be defined by an attitude of adventure.

I think that, more than skydiving or traveling (or the willingness to do those things), adventure is a matter of the heart. It's being dissatisfied with only this; it's pressing for more, higher, deeper, longer, FULLER.

Not to be mistaken for being discontent with the right now, with this moment, with this place. No, I mean precisely the opposite - I mean endeavoring to make the most out of exactly this moment; I mean being committed to having an extraordinary experience no matter how ordinary something might appear to be. 

I mean walking through Target with one of your best friends shopping for shower curtains and recognizing that you are walking through that moment with one of your best friends. And being so incredibly thankful that you have best friends. 

I mean falling in love hard, head over heels in love, with people and places and seasons and experiences and lessons and right now. 

I mean expecting exquisite, magical moments in the midst of walking through the day to day. 

I mean dreaming of beautiful, wonderful, bigger-than-life things, and being 100% committed to the journey that it takes to get there.

I mean cherishing and celebrating every single moment, because you're never going to get it back again. And because, someday, you're going to want to remember it. You're going to want to say that you made the most out of every beautiful, or tragic, breath that you took. 

That's the kind of adventure I want my life to be. I want to be surrounded by and invested in people who will go on adventures with me - and I am so blessed to be able to say that's true of my life right now. And someday, when I meet the man I am going to marry, I want him to be a man that will go on these adventures with me, too - someone who won't just tolerate my dreamer's heart, but someone who will come right alongside me and dream exciting new dreams with me. 

And I think the key to all of this is what I said before - I have found, and I believe with all of my heart, that the secret to leading a life of adventure, the secret to walking down an extraordinary path, is being committed to the journey. Not necessarily the destination - so many people are just trying to get there, wherever there is, that they miss the thrill and the beauty of this. Right now. 

So be committed to your journey. Be willing to submit all of your doubts and fears and expectations to a God who promises that His plans will bring you hope, prosperity, a bright future! Be bold enough to take risks and to walk into unknown territory. Let change happen. Look for the beauty and the joy in where you are right now... 

And friends, you'll see adventure all around. 

I'm not saying it's easy - quite the opposite, actually. It's resolving to challenge your ordinary - and I don't know about you, but that certainly doesn't come naturally for me. 

But I wouldn't want it any other way.