Real Love Is Not Afraid To Bleed

I’m saying yes to You

And no to my desires

I’ll leave myself behind

And follow You

I’ll walk the narrow road

‘cause it leads me to You

I’ll fall but grace

Will pick me up again

I’ve counted up the cost

Oh I’ve counted up the cost

Yes I’ve counted up the cost

And You are worth it

I do not need safety

As much as I need You

You’re dangerous

But Lord You’re beautiful

I’ll chase You through the pain

I’ll carry my cross

‘cause real love

Is not afraid to bleed

Jesus

Take my all

Take my everything

I’ve counted up the cost

And You’re worth everything

Days Like Today

There are days, awful days, just like today, when you just want to punch all the people in the face and cry. And even more than you want those things, you want everything to be good and joyous and normal again. But  you can't do anything whatsoever to make it that way, and you pray and cry out and listen to all the right worship songs but still it's just miserable...

But then beautiful friends swoop in out of nowhere, tell you they understand where you're at and that it's okay. They pick you up, help you dust yourself off, and remind you that

You are strong

and beautiful

and cared for

and capable - because God is bigger. 

And then, even though things are still pretty miserable, somehow you feel like you can get to the end of this in one piece. And that, in fact, you'll come out stronger at the end than you ever thought you could. That, indeed, you're going to have a beautiful story to tell. 

Thank God that you have friends like that.

Or that I do. 

Birthday Week

This was, hands down, the best birthday yet.

Maybe it's a bit excessive, but I love birthdays so much that I don't have just a birthday... I have birthday week. Yes. A whole week. Seven days of excitement, of splendid saturnalian celebration... it is my favorite. I think the fact that my birthday always falls directly after the school year ends makes it even sweeter...

But this year topped all years prior, bar none, hands down.
On Wednesday, May 16, hen I got off of work at 5, Tim and I packed up the car (we borrowed his mom's minivan) and headed up to Phoenix! I haven't seen my mom or sister since Christmas, so I bet you can imagine my excitement... on the car ride up, it probably looked a little something like this. Include tail wag.

We got to my mom's house, I got to meet her new boyfriend, and we got to hang out and talk and it was lovely.
BUT THEN. The next day. We packed up the car again... Tim took me to Ono's Hawaiian Barbeque for lunch... and we drove to California!!! My grandparents own a timeshare at the Southern California Beach Club in Oceanside, and they invited us to come stay with them over the weekend to celebrate my birthday. Sarah and her boyfriend Bryce came up on Friday night too, and we all stayed until Sunday.

It was incredible. My grandparents' condo is literally right on the beach, the weather was a little cool but the most perfect escape from this horrid Arizona heat, and I got to be surrounded by people that I love for four days. I think that I sort of repress how hard it is for me to be so physically disconnected from all of my family, but getting to be with my grandparents and my cousins and niece and my wonderful boyfriend and my best friend all at once was the best medicine for homesickness that I could have asked for. Home really is where the heart is, and this weekend with my family is the most at home that I've felt in months. (Being right on the beach probably helped, too ;) ). 

No Surprise...

So,

since I'm basically the most terrible blogger ever,

it's been over 4 months since I've written here.

I've had things to tell,

exciting adventures to recount,

things I've learned that I need to remember,

but honestly

I just forget to write them down.

(does anyone even read this thing anyway?)

Soon to come.

The End Is Near!

After what feels like an entire semester of living on campus in class and work and holed up in the library studystudystudying and workworkworking, the semester is finally winding to a close. And for maybe the first time since I started college, I feel so good about how my semester went :). I worked my hiney off and studied and paid my bills and was broke and didn't have very many groceries at times and didn't do many fun things and didn't get to see my roommates or my boyfriend or my family nearly as much as I would have liked, 

BUT

I got good grades and got to know my classmates better and learned to cherish the times I did have with the people that mattered and didn't go into debt and learned how to budget and was appreciated by my boss and prayed a LOT and kept my priorities straight and didn't get overwhelmed and went on an AMAZING missions trip and served the Lord and stayed faithful to my promises...

and I feel really, really blessed. :)

After Night Came Sun

So, I found this post from WAY long ago. As in, the beginning of November.
Regrettably, I never posted it (what is wrong with me?!?!)
So just humor me with this one, suspend reality for like five minutes, and pretend it's the weekend of November 4, 2011. Which was the date of the concert in question. :)

____________________________________________

Tim, Steffanie, Zeke, Sierra and I went to the Ryanhood concert on Friday night! It was the release show for their new album, After Night Came Sun, and may I just say:

AMAZING.

There's a reason they're my favorite band. They played some old (favorite!) familiar songs from Sad and Happiness and The World Awaits, and then they debuted their entire new album (which, because they're super cool and I've met them, I got an advance signed copy of - I felt so legit!). 

Not only was it great to hear their sweet new jams, but spending the evening with my boyfriend and some of my closest friends after what felt like one of the longest weeks of my life was just what the doctor ordered. 

(In Gretchen Weiners voice from Mean Girls) 

It. Was. Awesome. 

Here. Educate yourself. 

8 Months

As of Monday, April 16, Tim and I have been dating for exactly eight months. :)

Now don't get me wrong- this isn't another sappy lovey-dovey gushy post about how great my boyfriend is and how great it is to be in love... those things are true, to be sure, but today I feel compelled to write about a different kind of truth. 

A real-life, real person, stuff-they-don't-write-about-in-fairytales kind of truth. 

Which is simple, really: love is hard. 

But in a good way. I'm learning a lot about love itself, and the more I learn about it the more I realize how little I actually know, which is okay. And I'm learning a lot about myself as a person, as a woman and as a follower of Christ. It's interesting really, what the combination of 1. having someone know you more personally than anyone has before and 2. seeking out the Lord honestly and sincerely, can reveal to you. 

Some things have been hard to face. I'll give you a few examples: 

I'm not nearly as kind [or gracious] as I thought I was. 

I'm much more selfish than I thought I was. 

I'm about as demanding as I thought I was. 

However, I'm starting to learn some really valuable lessons that are not only helping me grow in my relationship with the awesome man that God put in my life, but I'm sure will also help me improve on the other beautiful relationships I have as well. 

Whenever Tim and I have an argument or get into a disagreement about something, I always manage to turn it into something that's his fault or something that he caused because of something he did wrong. When, in reality, that is the worst perspective you can have on a situation. Ever. 

For reals. 

But I think one of the best things you can learn, especially if you're a woman, is to control your emotions and not let your emotions control you (guilty :/). I'm learning that minor issues shouldn't result in major reactions, and that a Godly woman communicates with grace and speaks with wisdom. It's really hard to remember to ask myself what I can do to improve in the situation, rather than lay blame on someone else for their wrong against me, but I'm so thankful to have all of the beautiful relationships that God has blessed me with, to be able to work and improve and seek after the things in life that are good. 

So, cheers to 8 months of love and laughter and tears and frustration and challenges and lessons and trials and triumphs, and cheers to this season of learning and being humbled and growing and giving and praying, as long as it may last. 

:)

"A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman- who is he that can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies and pearls."

Proverbs 31:10, AMP