Last week was one of the craziest, most miserable weeks
of. my. life.
I felt like I would never get through it.
Weekend: Studystudystudystudystudy. Monday: 7-page research paper for Spanish due, Integrative Cellular Physiology exam. Tuesday: Molecular and Cellular Biology lab, Organic Chemistry exam. [Insert crash due to sleep deprivation + pms here]. Wednesday: Studystudystudystudy, crash. Thursday: Studystudystudystudystudy. [Insert more sleep deprivation here.] Friday: Molecular and Cellular Biology exam.
Throw work and classes in there and isn't that just delightful?
A lotta Jesus and a lotta coffee are what got me through that, lemme tell ya.
On the upside, I did actually get through it alive (whoa! who woulda thunk?) and I had the whole weekend to relax! Thank God. For realsies. On the downside, Tim's "it's just a cold, I'll be fine" got significantly worse, so I got to play nurse and take care of him all weekend. (Thankfully I didn't get sick too!) I finally got him to let me take him to the doctor today, so I am reassured by the antibiotics and corticosteroids they've got him pumped full of becaaaauuusee...
(drumroll please)
NEXT WEEKEND IS VETERAN'S DAY WEEKEND WHICH MEANS WE HAVE A THREE DAY WEEKEND AND WE ARE GOING TO PHOENIX!!!
(can you tell that I'm excited for next weekend?)
We are going up on Friday morning and we're going to stay at my mom's house, visit with Chelsea and Chris, and do all kinds of fun weekend-off couple sorts of things, like shooting and ice skating and good-food-eating!
I love spending time with Tim (you know, 'cause I love him and stuff ;) ) and being up in Phoenix and getting to see people that I love so dearly but barely get to see is going to make it exponentially better. Ahh yeah.
So of course, it's been month and months and months since I last wrote here.
Of course.
So much has happened! I will tell you all about it.
I feel that I also should disclose... I have an urge. I've been fighting it for a while, but the urge is getting much stronger...
I think I'm going to join tumblr.
I just think it would be so much more convenient, seeing as [APPARENTLY] I can't find time to consistently write in this blog. I guess I could just be diligent about it... but anyways. I'll alert the media (or... the handful of you who even read this, I supposed...) if it happens. which it probably will.
Okay. Enough about that. I'd love to have a record of the wonderful, crazy things that have happened in my life since July, so I'll try to do it succinctly.
July: He happened. :)
Well, I mean technically this didn't happen until August. August 16, to be exact.
And it's been bliss :).
August: I started discipling three amazing girls, and to be honest...
they're teaching me SO much more than I'm teaching them.
Here's Jaime. She's just the sweetest :)
Meeting with her has been such a joy, and I look forward to hearing about her beautiful life every week. You can follow her adventures here.
September: I got to spend tons of time with my dear roommate Steffanie and her family, and I feel like I got to know her so much better. We've grown so close, and every time I hear the Party Rock Anthem I'm reminded of our super special relationship ;).
She's one of my favorites. For reals. I am so blessed by her and I stinkin' love her to pieces. You can follow her adventures here and here.
Also in September, I quit my job at RuffaloCODY - which was so liberating! My position ended there amicably and I know I always have a job there to go back to if I need it, but it really cut out a lot of stress from my life and opened up my schedule so that I wasn't just going going going ALL the time.
Even though I still kinda do that... oh well.
October: XA Fall Retreat 2011. 'Nuff said.
I am so blessed by the this beautiful family of mine, and retreat this year was particularly challenging.
I'll write a post all about it soon, I promise. Hold your horses!
Today was absolutely marvelous- it was Cow Appreciation Day, which, in college-student-speak, means that if you dress up like a cow and go to Chick-Fil-A, they give you free food! Marvelous, I say! So that is what Sarah and I did! (Note the authenticity of the placement of my cow ears ;)).
I'm glad the guy in the cow suit wasn't out and about when I was there... I would have had a nervous breakdown. Haha.
Then, after that adventure, we babysat the Owenator before embarking on our next adventure, of the "enter-into-a-Greg-Byrne-contest-by-doing-something-ridiculous" variety!
So here's the sitch: I follow Greg Byrne, the Director of Athletics at the UA, on the Twitter, and he periodically has contests where he gives away free tickets and UA swag and such to the winner. Today, his contest was that whoever sent him the best picture wearing UA colors won four tickets to the football opener! So, being the true Wildcat football fans that we are, Sarah and I went all out and sent in this stupendous photograph, (for which Sarah had to chase down a random passersby to get so that we could be in the same picture):
In full face paint and under the Zona Zoo sign, take note! How we lost to some guy in a red UA polo who sent in his picture from Germany (big whoop), I have no idea, but I took serious offense.
Anyways, getting all decked out in full manner of Wildcat swag made me super excited for football season to start- Zona Zoo is gonna be insaaaaaaaaane! Bear Down.
But then, after the many other adventures of the day,
-babysitting
-watching a movie with our friend Kristen in celebration of her birthday month (I didn't think someone would be able to trump my own birthday week!)
-a visit to Pastor Dave's house to welcome the XA missionaries that are in town for VBS (and in true Italian form, he sent us home with enough leftovers to feed us for days! ha jk. But a lot!)
-a trip to Bookman's (where Sarah bought season 6 of Friends and I bought an Italian phrasebook!)
-watching said tv show and eating brownies
-teaching myself a page of Italian words out of my new book (Prima Lezione!)
I had a chance to have a little quiet time- much needed after such a hectic, people-filled, conversation-rich day.
And that brings me to the whole point of this post.
Our lives change so much over the course of one day. In just 24 hours, we talk and we go places and we interact with people and we make choices and we share who we are with the rest of the world. So much happens in such a short time, every single day- whether you think your life is boring or not.
And a lot of times - too many times, if your journey is anything like mine - we make the wrong choices and say the wrong things. All the bloody time. We're selfish and conceited and proud and loud and immature and we stumble. Just today, when I was at my pastor's house talking to him and a missionary from NAU XA, I realized Man, I talk about myself so much. Not that it's a bad thing to share who you are with others, but there needs to be a balance between that and being boastful or self-important. This is something I'm still learning, after struggling to understand the lesson for so long.
Which is the point I'm really trying to make- as humans, we struggle with hard lessons all the time. We spend our entire lives trying to learn what's right and wrong, really, but even at the end of a hundred years of trying to be good and pure and righteous, we don't even get close to being like Jesus was- wholly selfless and compassionate and merciful and gracious. But the beauty in those ashes is that our God, who is so utterly perfect that it's almost crippling to imagine, loves us anyways. His love is the same no matter how many times we repeat the same mistake, stumble down the wrong path, or fall short - in any way.
Paul Tripp tweeted last week or so that "The eternal rest of the Gospel is this- God's affection for you isn't rooted in your performance, but on Christ's performance on your behalf."
How amazing is this: that no matter what we do or how much we mess up, that even in our imperfection, He still loves us just as much as He did at the beginning of time. I marvel at this on a daily basis, and it never ceases to amaze me or comfort me.
"This wild God of mine, who knows my every thought and intention, who sees my every failure and sin, loves me." -Captivating
When you're watching a movie or listening to a song, and you hear some words that make you think WHOA. HOW DOES THIS PERSON UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW??
Because sometimes... the stuff that goes on in my brain seems pretty nuts. I get pretty crazy sometimes... if I jiggle my head around enough you can hear the marbles rolling around the bits of my thought processes that still even make sense.
Or, sometimes (and this is my favorite!) I don't even know what I'm feeling- it's just a big mess of [blllleeeeehhhhh!]sloshin' around up there... and then I hear a song and it's like BAM!
Ohhhh. That's what I feel!
It's splendid.
Here's just a few of my favorite movie lines/song lyrics that have, at some point in my life or another, been exactly what I was feeling (which I often post on my twitter).
"Give me nights of solitude, red wine just a glass or two, reclined in a hammock on a balmy evening" -Brooke Fraser
"When the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in You, still standing" - Brooke Fraser
"I hate it when you make me laugh- even worse than when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you - not even close, not even a little bit, not any at all." - 10 Things I Hate About You
"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind... or forgotten." -Lilo and Stitch
"We can plan for a change in weather or time, but I never planned on you changing your mind." -Taylor Swift (She just knows her stuff, this one!)
"I could wait patiently but I really wish you would drop everything now, meet in the pouring rain" -Taylor Swift
"Don't be afraid to fall in love. It's the only thing that matters in life, so you just fall in love with as many things as possible." -Country Strong
"You stay the same through the ages, Your love never changes, there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning" - Jesus Culture
"Ain't no rhyme or reason no complicated meaning, ain't no need to over think it, let go laughing; Life don't go quite like you planned it, we try so hard to understand it but the irrefutable, indisputable fact is... it happens" -Sugarland
What's the song that your heart's been singing lately?
So today, in honor of summer and purely out of the fact that I have been so stressed this past week and just needed some good, high-quality R&R (and a massage just isn't in the cards anytime soon), I spent almost the entire day sitting outside by the pool at a friend's apartment. We talked, I got to know his group of friends, we tanned- it was a grand time! Besides having to go to school in the morning, it was the perfect summer day :) I managed to get a good bit of color, too, so now I can say I'm from Hawaii and not have people think I'm lying due to my paleness.
Here was my view all afternoon :)
It's been quite a week for me, so I'm glad I got to indulge in this bit of luxury. I had a lot of firsts jam packed into just three days, and may I just say that in having to deal with those firsts (which I'll tell you all about!) I have confirmed that I do not, in fact, handle stress well!
1. I had my first car mishap - it broke down in the middle of my office parking lot :(
2. I had to pay for my first tow (and my second)
3. I put my car in neutral and pushed it to get it out of the way (it's harder than it looks!! I didn't actually have to do this- my roommate, who is quite a hoot actually, insisted that we try it! You can follow her random adventures here. )
4. I actually had to use my car insurance.
5. I had to send my car into a shop (scary!)
6. I had to pick my car up from the shop (the problem turned out to be a teeny tiny [inexpensive!] electrical issue, thank God!)
7. I got pulled over for the first time (I forgot to turn on my lights :( He let me off with a warning!)
It's been a crazy week.
Thankfully, I have things like the delightful day I had at the pool with my friend today and things like not having to take the last physics exam of the session because I got A's on the first three exams to cheer me up. ;)
So I was just musing today about all of the relationships in my life, and how very, truly, exquisitely blessed by the people that I am lucky enough to call my friends and family. God is truly good.
Mom, CHELSEA, Sarah, granny and granpy, Micaela
(among so many others)
I appreciate you... I love you... I am so blessed by you.
(especially Mom and Chelsea, this is for you.)
This is my favorite poem, by my favorite poet, e.e. cummings.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
[NOTE: THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY INTENDED FOR WAY BACK IN THE BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY... I PICKED OUT THIS THEME, BECAUSE, WELL, YOU KNOW: FEBRUARY, LOVE... IT JUST MADE SENSE! HOWEVER, MY BUSY, CRAZY LIFE GOT IN THE WAY, SO WRITING AND PUBLISHING THIS POST IS COMING MUCH LATER THAN INTENDED... BUT, HERE IT IS AT LAST.]
So you know what's a super colossally difficult and altogether extraordinary concept to grasp?
LOVE.
And I don't necessarily mean the goo-goo, romantic, fairytale love that immediately jumps to all of our minds, even though that's a huge part of it... I just mean love. In general.
The dictionary defines love as a million different things. It can be a noun, or it can be a verb; it can be a person, a feeling, an action, an object, a concept, a quality... it can arise from kinship or necessity or lust or desire or admiration. You can lovethings, you can bein love with someone, you can loveto do something; you can LOOK for love or FIND it or GIVE it or RECEIVE it or FEEL it. (Believe it or not, "Love" by Matt White just started playing on my Pandora station! Haha)
Love can make people do marvelous things. People move across huge distances for love; we cry because of it and laugh because of it; it makes us feel exuberant and despondent and hopeful and hopeless and complete and empty and content and fulfilled, all within the course of its journey up and down and in and out of our lives. The scope of love is so powerful, and there is so much in the world that demonstrate how big of a role it plays in our existence. Look at all of the stories, all of the history -- Romeo killed himself because he thought he had lost Juliet. Paris started a war for Helen. Elizabeth and Darcy laid down their lifelong prides for each other. Olga of Kiev ruled an empire for her son; Mulan went to war so that her father wouldn't have to (give me a little on this one). Elizabeth Gilbert traveled the world to discover love for herself, and, perhaps the most famous love story of all... God loved the world so much that He gave his onlySon to DIE.... for US. It's remarkable, really.
John 13:34 says "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love another" (NIV). Of all the things Jesus talked about, He placed so much emphasis on this-- that we love each other. It seems so simple, and yet it's so complex. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 details everything that loving someone encompasses, and it's really quite a tremendous thing, to love someone:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
It's such a beautiful thing, to love someone... and just as beautiful, if not more so, to be loved by someone else. Whatever season of life you're in, and whether that 'someone' is your mother, father, brother, sister, roommate, best friend, great aunt, dog, cat, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, son, daughter... it's just so profound. To care for someone (or be cared for) so deeply that all of your faults, flaws, and weaknesses are accepted... overlooked... even cherished, because they make you who you are... that is something splendid. That we have the capacity to embrace someone in our hearts (because an embrace requires so much more than just open arms), and to see and understand all of the qualities that make them who they are... that is a miracle.
Love is a miracle.
In whatever form that we are blessed enough to find love as we walk our journeys through life, we are finding a miracle. How lucky are we?
